So...
ArtisticI think that's what I'm feeling right now. Especially when it comes to my art. I get so competitive with it. Continuously trying to make myself better (actually this goes for my singing too...) and getting nowhere. Since I don't go to a prodigious art school like Ringling or CalArts, I feel like I need to try 10 times harder than everyone else, and that just doesn't fly for me. I can only push myself so far before art becomes work or a chore for me. And my school doesn't make this any better. They just feel that because everyone there is an art student that art should somehow be a part of every class. That just makes my general education classes that much harder for me.
Seriously, I'm almost at a point where I want to give up. Yes, I believe education is important, but right now I hate it. I don't care for math or science or any of that stuff. I just wanna draw. I want to draw without the pressures of being amazing. However if I do that, I'd never get a job. And I'm just not good enough make it as a freelance artist. I rarely admit this out loud, but...the only reason I want to be an animator is because cartooning's the only thing I'm good at. I can write but not nearly well enough to make my own comic or write a novel. I can sing but definitely not well enough to make a career out of it. I'm terrible at math and science. Hate being around kids so I could never be a teacher. Can never get up on a stage 'cause I get so nervous so I could never be an actor. Hate being around people so I can't even work in retail or anything like that and I have no business savvy. I can't even be a general "artist" 'cause I'm a terrible painter, sculptor, and I'm just uncreative. As we can see...I really think highly of myself (sarcasm if you couldn't pick it up).
Heh...I'm so fricken pessimistic. Not a good quality, but it's something I just can't seem to get rid of.
All I want is to have little fun with what I do. So I think I'm gonna backtrack a bit. I'm trying too hard to be creative and original and I forget the fun that I have usually when I draw fan art. On of my favorite things was to make TLK crossovers. I wanna do some more of those. TLK was my first inspiration. Why not go back to that for a while. I had so much fun drawing Death Note crossovers and Pokemon ones. I even drew little Gaara as a lion cub. so if you randomly seem e drawing Code Geass characters in TLK style...bear with me. I just need to be a little silly. Every once in a while, style mimicry can be fun.
Actually, I though I could make a bit of a challenge out of this for anyone willing to take it that is. Drawing your favorite character(s) from your current obsession in the style of (one of) your first inspirations...Though I have to say that using the styles of artists on DA would be off limits 'cause people get so touchy about "style theft". I'll make a separate journal where I feature people's drawings regarding the challenge. There's no prize or anything...it's just for fun. Just send a note...or comment here...whatever.
Is this journal as long as I think it is? I actually wrote this all during church.
Devious Comments
But only because you feel that way it doesn't mean you need to act that way and give up everything.
You need to be thankful for everything you're able to do, you can go to school. Not everyone can.
You shouldnt give things like shcool up, cause school is a part of building up your future.
Even though you think you can't be some kind of thing, like a teacher or a sientist, there's always something you're good in. Like me, I got NO clue what I want to do later on. I just finish school, go to the next course and figure out what I would like to do. I just stick with my hobbies, and if I cant find a job where I went to school for, I just focus on my hobbies and try to earn monies with it. You don't need to know RIGHT away what you want to do as job. Sometimes it just takes a while before you figured out what you want to be when you're out of school and ready to work.
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Current Avatar © *DraggyGirl
Creator of the Bright Stripe Spirits
Getting back to the basics might be beneficial towards rediscovering joy.
I think ~DraggyGirl summed it up nicely too.
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Icon by `hibbary
Dale: We're screwed!
Hank Hill: No...We're American.
Your art is lovely <_<
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Current Avatar © *DraggyGirl
Creator of the Bright Stripe Spirits
I'm studying to be a teacher, but until summer of this year, I did not even think about this path. When anyone asked me - what do you want to be? - I'd shrug my shoulders and reply with something general. Or with a joke, for that matter. My BA was in English Philology, an extremely general subject in our country, basically considered just a paper, not a higher education. So I was frustrated. And unsure. And thought that I spent 3 years doing nothing, while I could (like my sister did this year) become a lawyer. Or a vet, if I took the chemistry exam. Or something else, by far less general than just "language".
You could say that I was extremely depressed during the last half of the year, up to a point where I was thinking of antidepressants and therapy - all due to education. Then I just sat down and looked at the possibilities open to me at that point. And the word "teacher" popped on the screen.
I don't know if that helps - but you're not alone with this. Yet, you're unique, and talented, whatever you think of yourself. I hope you'll find your love for drawing again, and... well, I won't be uploading that to dA, but I would definitely love to participate in the project ))
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Will work for cookies
I'm glad to see you're finding your way out, too, and I wish you well with it. Your challenge also sounds like a lot of fun! I've never really been interested in style mimicry, even when I was younger, but I might just have to take it up. It could be really interesting to see the results.
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"I have seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts."
-John Steinbeck
Icon by ~Chocolate-Rhinos. C:
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Poppin Periramo Furururafu~!
I used to be pretty good at mimicking style...or at least I thought I was at the time.
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Icon by `hibbary
Dale: We're screwed!
Hank Hill: No...We're American.
--
"I have seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts."
-John Steinbeck
Icon by ~Chocolate-Rhinos. C:
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