Please Don't Cry...

I sketched this up a while ago because I felt incredibly down in the dumps. And today...I still feel incredibly down. Not even my computer wanted to work with me. As I was painting the background, photoshop crashed on me twice. And I had to basically start over on various parts over and over again. I just eventually said screw it and started haphazardly painting it and saving it every two seconds.

But yesterday hasn't been my day. And today hasn't been my day. Not because anything particularly bad happened. I mean...yeah I failed my driving test yesterday but that didn't really bother me too much. That alone didn't make me feel horrible. I can always take it again later (not that I like driving anyways).

But I can't say it wasn't a catalyst for me just feeing absolutely horrible. I've pretty much been crying all day yesterday and today.

I tried refurbishing my fursuit head for Sombra but in the process ruined it beyond repair. So I had to throw it away and now I have to completely remake it again.

I try to advertise art as best as I can but yet very few people seem to have any interest in it. Commissions are all I have for earning money. And yeah I might not be worrying about rent or bills but I was banking on funds to at least finish my one cosplay. And I'm pretty sure I won't be able to finish it at all now. I just don't have the money for it...

I just wonder if I should just give up the whole art thing. I mean...people tell me I'm good at it. But I dunno...that proves nothing to me. I don't really see it anymore. I was a lot more content with art when I was little and when I was drawing some crappy gel pen dragons. They were terrible but I liked them so much and had so much fun drawing them. Now I've gotta worry about marketing, making sure every last detail is perfect, picking the perfect pieces to put into a portfolio, coming up with more original concept and characters, and so on and so forth. The work aspect has just sucked all the fun out of drawing...

I have no idea what to do anymore. I mean...I feel as if being happy is the furthest thing away from me. Or that it's not something everyone can achieve...I wanted to suck all my stubbornness into working very hard to prove to family that I can do this freelancing thing but...I don't even think that possible. So maybe I should just give it up...It's really the last logical step.

That and I'm just sitting at home with nothing to do. I have no commissions to work on, no ideas of things to draw, no homework to do, no classes to go to, no money to randomly go hang out with people (who also probably don't have money)...I have absolutely nothing to do. And it sucks. I might as well just go back to bed...

Anyways...yeah I know I redesigned Sombra but old Sombra has to stick around a little while longer. I designed new Sombra to be very optimistic. Which I am not. Old Sombra is me as I am now...very...pessimistic. Doesn't have a good outlook on things. Very sad. New Sombra is more like how Literal Tatoba is here. But since I redesigned Sombra after I drew this, I just had L. Tatoba as the one consoling her.

Not that me consoling myself does any good in the first place...